I want to just spill everything i feel out here, but i'm not sure what to write without sounding like i'm whining bout the same thing over and over.

Its so easy for people to say, what matters is on the inside. But rarely do even these people practice what they preach. Looks may not be the most important thing, but its definitely the 1st thing. Its like, having a very welcoming door and the only way people can see what you have to offer, is by opening it and stepping in. My door unfortunately, is dark, termite-eaten wood, splashed with some sickly colored paint and a door handle so rusty it would give you tetanus. So people just look in from the window, and rest their weary heads upon the sill. I'm not afraid to show what i'm made of, and sure people like me the way i am, but always strictly platonically. I'm the one they come to for relationship advice and a general listening ear. I'm the shoulder to cry on but at the end of the day, all i have is a damp sleeve. Don't get me wrong, its not like i dont like being a confidant. In fact, listening to people's woes make me forget my own.

It even goes as far as people wanting to be like me; lack of flesh or good dress sense, but none want to be WITH me. And though i get praises and comments that should boost my ego, it does nothing cause it all seems like empty words. Not like the people who say these things dont mean it, but there arent any factual occurences to mime the things said. And so its not that i'm determined to constantly put myself down, i just dont have any means to pull myself up.