*sweeps cobwebs away and flings em unceremoniously into the garbage*

Phew. Been a long time since i've posted. Not that i've had nothing to post about, in fact i've had a lot of drama to post about yet i just didnt feel like it. Ironic much. Anyways, in brief, Eli is certified human, as he found out he CAN love again. Even tho it was shortlived and ended in a 3fold heartbreak. Haha. But i'm alright now i guess.

Anyways, even tho previously i had been whining about the grotesquely quick pace in which my free months are passing, i now want it to pass even faster. I cant wait for my birthday! Hahaha. Like. Immensely. Like even more than previous years somehow. Its gonna be partying galore and i'm gonna be blonde again. And this time, even more fabulous than before.

But of course, everything comes at a price, and unfortunately my wallet is drier than the mammary glands of an 80 year old. Sure, love is at the top of my list of needs/wants, but its completely blasphemous to say that money cant improve your life... by a lot. Haha. So many things i wanna get. Blazer. Shoes. Hair. And of course i'll have to set aside money for the b'day celebration. Ahh i'm quivering in my boxers... as you would now know that i wear exclusively at home. I wear no pants. I want no pants. Cause its damn friggin hot and humid. Only gaga fans will understand.

And speaking of whom. Lady Gaga is comin to singapore and its sooooo freakin unfair that she's only having a private showcase. If it were a concert, i'd cut off my left leg to pay for a ticket. But no. We fans have to be subjected to the awful marketing schemes of companies like Mediacorp radio or Singtel... to 'win' tickets. Damn them. I love you lady gaga but you're making it so damn hard. No pun intended.

Love is such a complex and intangible thing. Like the pale smoke that floats from the end of incense whose aroma is delicate enough to tantalise the softest of hearts yet powerful enough to move the most stubborn of beings. A scent that invokes an irresistable urge that draws you and your partner together.

Of course there's many different types of love, each relationship slightly different, almost like a fingerprint. I love chocolate. I love the smell of play doh and fresh laundry. I loved my pet lovebird that flew away. But it's different from saying I love my aunt, I love my sister, I love my best friend.

See, those are somewhat far less complicated than the love of partners. Maybe its because the way the word is used. I guess there's a difference between saying "I love you" and "I'm in love with you" cause I don't think you really wish to spend your life with cocoa products. I have yet to fully experience this feeling but i hope to interpret it the best way i can understand. It's like your life is a single thread and when you are in love, you are woven into a rich tapestry and your life seems so colourful and means more than it was before. You're surrounded by such passionate emotions, the reds, oranges, blues and green and feel like that void in your heart has been filled with the likes of dense cotton candy and fudge-covered marshmellows. You somehow don't feel so alone anymore and but constantly think of your significant other and yearn to spend every waking moment with him/her.

Yet when you are in such an engrossed state, you are at your most fragile. Certain things your partner does may hurt you more than if other people were to do the same. Its good to be cautious but i think i'm just a bit too cynical, never fully believing in a good thing. There's always a black lining instead of a silver one for me. Sometimes your heart says one thing and your mind says another. Your heart is a gullible and foolish thing yet your brain is a cold, mechanical organ. I may want to love another but I'm afraid if I invest all my feelings into someone, the magnitude of hurt i will feel should things go awry would just be too overwhelming.

Yes, love is indeed a complex emotion... a situation if you must. Some say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I really wonder how much of that is true. Is it really worth getting your heart broken into a million glass shards? Maybe I'm just overthinking it too much. I know I'm one heck of a paranoid creature.